As of this morning I weigh 67.7, which isn't bad. That's like... 148.9. So hopefully by tomorrow i'll be 147. I'm not eating today, just drinking tea whenever the hunger hits me. I'm taking my time getting ready for school becaue i have to pick up my best friend and she takes foreever to get ready. That mini almost binge I had last night really upsets me, that's part of the reason why I don't want to eat today. We'll see. I'll only eat if I'm forced to... And I'll do the same amount of working out as yesterday. I'll probably take a nap as soon as I get home and that should take up some time; at least until like 6. As soon as I wake up I'll have more tea, work out, homework, read, blah blah. If I do get forced to eat I'll just bring it in my room and hide it at the bottom of my trash can. I'll take the trash out once I get home. Today's just started, I'm nt even at school, and I already want to go home. If I fast sucessfully, I'm only going to weigh in the morning; that way there will be a bigger jump. My scale is so finicky, its so easy to convince it to go to a different weight... once I'm at a lower weight, I'll definitly take the higher one. But whatever. Nothing on me is bonier. I wish I wasn't on my period, but at least when I'm off it, there should be a bigger jump. So about... Sunday maybe, there'll be a jump. I just really want to get to 146 by Sunday night/monday morning. Is that possible? I think if I devote my weekend to working out and eating as little as possible, then it will go wonerfully. And maybe I'll be able to lose it. I have the sudden inspiration to write fanfiction, so I'll look into that. I just like to type, I think. I like the little vibrations that go through my fingers when i get to typing extra fast. See, I never thik of this stuff when I'm eating like a fat pig. I finished off all those crackers so I can't do the same thing again. I proomise to take pictures on sunday of me in those jeans. And when I have time I'll tag all the posts that have pictures so that when I'm actually thin it'll be easier to see before/afterness. Anyway, I had better attempt to get ready, I'm alost done with my tea. And I'll actaully take a multivitamin today so I don't pass out.
12:00 AM
Well, I feel like my stomach is bigger than ever. I know I'm bloated because of my period but still... I feel fucking fat as all hell. I ate today. Had two pieces of pizza, like when they cut it into squares. I estimated around 500 calories. Well, I just got done playing Just Dance and I got 3365 sweat points, which adds up to 801 calories burnt. I really hope that conversion is accurate... anyway. So if I really burnt that many calories then I should still lose tomorrow because it's like I didn't eat anything today. i didn't eat anything, still, until like 10. I don't know why I even ate it, maybe just to show my dad that I'm eating? Because I keep turning him down when he offers me food and I don't want him to be suspicious or anything. But then I was in the bathroom chocking because I coughed and some of the pizza came up, and he yelled up at me and asked me if I was "throwing up, you know what i mean." really? then he's like, "its something teens do, you never know." ugh. Please dad, don't accuse me of having an eating disorder. Please. Not when i'm just starting to do so well. You can't stop me now. Last time I weighed myself, around six, I weighed 66.6 kilos. So I lost 7 pounds in 5 days, which i think is great! I won't weigh myself tonight because I drank a shit ton of water and plus the pizza... it'll just make the scale all wacky, and I can't trust my scale anyways. I really hope what I'm losing is solid fat because that would mean that if I lose tomorrow, I'll be 145 already, and that would be great. Maybe I can lose ten pounds in a week, like some people. I'm sure if I wasn't on my period I would have already done it. I'm so proud of how I've been controlling myself, and I know that my stomach has shrunk...
On an unrelated note: I've decided not to pursue a career in pharmacy. I suck at AP chem, and it's just all around boring to me. So, I think I'd like major in communications and minor in either anthropology or this like, greek mythology thing. And I'm REEALLY interested in that. I would major in anthropology but you can't really do anything in that besides be a professor. But I don't have to decide until I enroll, and then they'll help me with all of that. I think I'd really like it. So, I'm going to start reading a lot more since I won't be in chem (hopefully, if I can get out) and I'll read a lot about other cultures and stuff and more nonfiction books. and old classics. I'm really excited, this is right up my alley. Maybe i'll even get to have an internship somewhere else, like italy! Well, now I'm getting pretty hopeful.. but another thing is that i'll meet more people that are like me and have the same interests. And people who are more down to earth than the pharmacy people... more down to earth= sexier guys. And I'm sure there'll be some nice, rich, sexy boys. ;) That's drivinng me as well, because when I visit UIC in the spring I'd like to walk in there, the future freshman, and have everyone looking at me and being all, "damn, i hope i get to know her!" plus i hear communicaitons is kind of a blow off major so i can totally smoke weed and party a lot. I think this is a lot more up my alley, I started crying at school today because i was so relieved. and my parent's are totally cool with it! I just really can't wait. then i'll go back for my masters... after i get a bit stable/before i have kids. I'll graduate at 22, and hopefully have a long term boyfriend. I'll probably get him my sophomore year, after i fuck around freshman year. then we'll move in together after maybe a year or two, and once we are both stable in our home, i'll talk to him about me going back to school... BUT, if he's some big time then I might not have to, and i could have some simple job somewhere. But i can't rely on some guy incase we get divorced... and i really hope i never get divorced. I'll probably have kids at around 26 or so. it really depends. But for the first time, I'm actually looking forward for the future. For once I feel like there's something worth living for. As long as I keep losing weight, then everything is fine..
NOTE; I can't fucking type...
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