01: ABC Day Uno

B: Tea and multivitamin
L: Nada
Snack: Tea and banana (90)
D: Chicken (100?), mac and cheese (60), rice (50), greens (10)
E: -406
T: 310-406= -96

So, my plan was messed up because for some odd reason my family decided to eat together (we never do) and so I had to eat at least something. I only ate a little of everything and picked at what was on my plate. I estimated on all the values for dinner but hopefully it's right. Even if it went a little over, I burned 406 calories by playing Just Dance 2. That seems like an awful lot, but I found online that a calorie is 4.2 sweat points and I had like 1707 or something sweat points. My legs are disgustingly huge. It's grossing me out. Even though (if the values are close) I ate less calories than I planned on, and a lot less than 500, I'm not eating anymore incase I actually ate way over 500 calories. I really hope I didn't... GOD, when I'm having a good day, something always has to mess it up! Oh well, hopefully I worked most of it off, so that I at least brought myself back down to 500 calories or so. Does that make any sense? I feel like I'm just rambling a bunch of nonesense. Oh well. I also ran up the hill from my grandparents' house to mine, so that may have burned off some (doubt it). Ugh. I just want this fat to get off of my body. I want to weigh myself but I'm too afraid, I may just wait until the morning or until Wednesday... probably in the morning, because I really need to know so that I can act accordingly and wrap my plans around losing more. Hopefully I'm not over 150 because that would be say. I remember when I would bounce around 136 for a couple years. I wish I was back there. But I will be, the trouble will just be to maintain. Hopefully I'm 145 or something so that I'll only take me a week to get into the 130's. I'm sick of being in the 140's, it's tiresome and I've been stuck like this for fucking ever and I'm sick of it. Typing burns calories. Maybe I'm up to burning 410 now. Ugh. I wish I could fastforward a week so my legs aren't AS repulsive.
Plan for tomorrow:
B: Tea, multivitamin
L: Nada
D: Tea, banana, can of soup (150) with 6 crackers (90)
E: At least 1500 sweat points on Just Dance.

And if I go to like six or seven sucessfully, then I'll eat a bit more. You know, so I won't pass out or anything. I'd love to feel like a sucess right now but I just can't, because I don't know what I ate today. And it's dricingme insane. I can feel it in my stomach, in my throat, and I just want to purge. This morning I had diarrea as soon as I got up. I don't know why, but I felt cleansed after it was all out. TMI: But it was a lot so I felt like I lost a damn pound. Anyway, I'm going to try and read a little, and maybe at seven I'll work out some more. Hopefully burn another 400. I really hope that the calorie/sweat point thing is accurate... Also, I've decided that I will take pictures with each weigh in. So, I'm probably going to weigh in on Mondays so next monday I will take pictures of me in my dress I bought, these purple pants I got, my jeans I fit in now, jeans that are too small, and shorts that are too small. I think that, once I really start losing the weight, that will motivate me a lot to see actual progress, and that seems like the best way to do it!

EDIT: I fucked up. I'm 153. I want to diediedie, I want to kill myself, I'm sick of living, I just want to die.

You know, this is what fucking happens when I just let myself go off and be stupid and fat and eat whatever the fuck I want and I was trying to be nice to myself or whatever but FUCK that. Fuck it all, I promised myself that I would never be in the 150's again, and now I'm practically halfway through themv?! Fuck food, fuck everything, I hate myself. How the fuck did I let his happen AGAIN. Seriously? Am I really that much of a fatass? Fuck. This. I'm wearing my little spankie outfit to squeeze in my fat until I hit 145 again. God fucking damn it, can I never have a fucking break?! 153, really?! I am SO fucking upset! Why do I have to be such a fat ass, I just don't understand! New plan for tomorrow- Fast. Have tea for breakfast, dinner, snacks, whatever, but  no food will pass these fucking disgusting lips. And I will workout as much as possible, as constantly as possible. Fuck this. I fucking hate being such a fat ass, can I never get a fucking break?!